Black Cat, Dead Cat
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I live in the sticks: Cottondale, Alabama. Just this morning a pack of dogs barked and squealed outside my house. It was bothersome, so I looked outside the kitchen window and pack of dogs were biting, pouncing and rending a cat apart: a black cat. I didn’t feel much anger or sympathy for either party. This was life, a world broken to the core. It reminded me about the addiction, how it seems that you’re surrounded by temptation like a pack of dogs waiting to rend your body to bits.
The cat was alone, isolated: no one to help fight. It did fight as well as it could: gouging and clawing and scraping and gasping for air. For that the dogs were prudent in their attack. I didn’t watch all of it. There was no need. Tomorrow I will probably have to shovel the carcass into my trash can and wait until the garbage company gathered it on Monday morning. Messy. Stinky. Ugly. Bloody. Death. This is the life of an addict: no good comes.
Some days in recovery are just gloomy. I would mention hope and all the good things on which we’re supposed to focus, but you know how overwhelming it is. The cat did fight: survival instinct. The fight is the hope. Even without strength, without breath, and broken bones and torn muscles the cat fought with all it had: death.
See, if our “higher power” is just some crazy thing that we make up in our brains, then we are alone. Where is the real power to fight even though you may lose? Where is the real power to continue hoping and living even though your addiction may have caused a lifetime of consequences?
If I mention that Christ is the higher power, I’m labeled a freak, bigot and hypocrite even if I’ve stayed clean and sober and have helped others to do the same. If I say the group is my higher power and continually fail in recovery, then somehow I’m going well because I’ve placed my hope in something that doesn’t have much power at all. Strange. What happens when the bootstrap breaks? Who will true you up and give you balance?
Be well,
Damon
3 Comments on this post
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Tammarie said:
So you watched as a helpless animal was torn apart by a pack of dogs, and you call Christ your HP? Funny but Jesus teaches that, to those who truly believe the words of the bible, that those of us who are strong help creatures who are weaker than we. The cat was weaker, you could have helped it.
In recovery there are those who are stronger and further along in our recovery journey that others. The drugs, like the pack of dogs are there tearing apart those who are new to recovery, those who are weaker. Thats when we (the stronger ones) step in and give our strength to those who need it(those weaker, new to recovery) I am not ashamed to stand up and say that MY HP is Jesus, I, like the apostles and the followers of Jesus want ALL to know I am a child of GOD!!
I had almost 7 yrs clean and relapsed 4 yrs ago, Jesus, who was not in my life the first time around is firmly planted in my heart, my mind, my soul, and my body this time. Am I afraid of being laughed at? NO!! Why? because I know that through his word(the Bible) and his love i will stay clean. There are a lot of dogs out there waiting to tear my recovery to shreds, if “I” let it happen. I pray that if i am in a struggle with that pack of dogs, (the temptation of drugs, Satan, the demon called crack) that YOU or someone with your attitude will not be my only source of help. I pray that when I do need someone to help me that they will reach out with love and understanding. That they will WANT to help me and not just think of themselves and be selfish the way you were with the life of that helpless cat.
I will pray for you, that Jesus will take the shame you have for him and turn it to love. You can not be ashamed of something and have faith in it, you can not be ashamed of Jesus and call him your Higher Power. You either love Jesus and you are proud to call him your HP, or you are worried about what other people think.
Do you think that Jesus was ashamed of you when he died on that cross for your sins? Take a look at yourself, your recovery wont last long if you have no HP……I’ll pray for you!!September 7th, 2010 at 9:00 am -
Damon said:
Thank you for the prayers. And, I pray for you as well that you will continue to grow in the knowledge of God and in spiritual wisdom and in all goodness and grace and peace and love that is in Christ. He died for us all, even before the foundation of the world.
Well, first, in all respect, you don’t know me. I don’t know you, and neither of us knows each other. The only clue either of us has about each other is a blog post written a year ago and a response written by you nearly a year later.
Second God, Christ is still alive and at work, in you and me and in the whole world. You’re making presumption about me i.e., where I was a year ago, not taking into account the Christ himself has been working with all his strength to change me.
The Christian life can’t be lived on a blog, which is one reason I quit blogging on this subject. If a brother is down I will help because Christ rescued me. Help for help’s sake is like a good intention paving the way to Hell.
Help because God moves. Do what he does. Even Christ directed the apostles not to preach the Gospel in Asia Minor, modern day Turkey. Instead they crossed the Adriatic Sea and preached there. The end result: The Gospel spread like wildfire through out Asia Minor and all the Roman controlled territories.
Again, God is still alive. That is to say Christ is not dead and has been working and has used many people to teach me and help me grow.
The truth is that God loves each and every one of us too much to leave us as we are. Honestly, the same is true for you. At this very moment there are many things in your life that do not measure up to the glory of God. Yet, God is at work, growing you and making you like him. Man, it’s amazing!
So, I’m learning and changing as you are and have been and will continue to grow in the knowledge of His will until that Day comes. It isn’t for ourselves but for him who reconciled us to himself and then gave us the ministry of reconciliation, that others will be there with us.
A lot has changed in my life, even in these past few weeks, but you’ll never see that on a blog.
Since we are linked through Christ, the Holy Spirit, let’s pray for each other and encourage each other and help each other in whatever way we can.
September 7th, 2010 at 9:36 am -
Michael said:
Yeah, let’s be careful about making assumptions. I happen to know Damon, and I can say with confidence he’s not ashamed of Christ. That’s not to say one can’t be ashamed of other Christians, but let us acknowledge the reality of the situation here.
It’s a bit of a stretch to suggest not putting oneself in the way of an aggressive pack of dogs for the sake of a cat is akin to letting a fellow human being be ripped apart by spiritual forces. It’s a good analogy, I think, but only a metaphor none-the-less in this particular instance. Please be clear, cats are not people. Failing that cat (if that is truly what happened) is not the same as failing a human being. We (the stronger spiritual believer) are commanded to help a “weaker brother”, one who is younger and less mature in the faith, and we are commanded to help the poor and those in need. I think it’s perfectly fair to extend the concept to other physical dangers, even cats in a fight for their lives or brothers in Christ making accusations that don’t sound like they are made out of love.
To accuse someone of failing humanity and/or God by not saving that cat (assuming that was even possible, or that the same thing wouldn’t later happen to the same or another cat anyway) is a misplaced rebuke, I think, though the lesson is indeed a very good one and extremely important.
In fact, I have recalled this story on numerous occasions to lead me to action in the help of another. The lesson, tragic though it was, is a good one, and I think one worth sharing publicly. But let’s be careful about accusations – especially among fellow believers.
September 7th, 2010 at 10:13 am