Addiction Rehabilitation: We Don’t Have a Way to Accept That

A Quick Story:

Several years ago I checked out a book at the library about bicycle repair. At the time I was in graduate school and a bicycle was my main form of transportation, so basic maintenance and repair skills were needed.

Well, someone stole that book. Being responsible for it, I went online and ordered two copies from Amazon: one for myself and one to replace the library’s copy. Being bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and full of pride, I went into the library’s lobby and explained the situation to the receptionist.

“Sorry, we don’t have a way to accept that.”

What? Someone took responsibility for a lost book, did whatever they could to offer restitution, and they didn’t have a way to accept? Eventually I talked to some big wig manager type. They accepted my offer, but she made sure that I knew that they wouldn’t do it again. Strange.

Because of rules, systems and bureaucratic mess they could not receive my restitution, amends for something gone wrong; therefore, if they had not accepted, their organization would have been diminished, and my life would have been diminished if they had not allowed me to clean up my mess.

Here’s another example: Suppose a book collector decided to donate his entire collection to the library. They wouldn’t have the ability to accept, thus the good will of the collector would be rejected, the library would not be as enriched, thus both parties would end up with a diminished existence.

Two Lessons:

1. Making amends where possible is an important part of recovery, but in the end it’s their choice whether to forgive or condemn you. Sometimes you can’t make amends for the pain you’ve caused others. Do what you can on your part. That way at the end of your life you can say, “I tried to make it right, but they wouldn’t accept.”

2. What unsaid rules and systems do you have in place that prevent you from moving on to success in recovery? Sometimes we build systems that destroy our lives. Such systems must be set to run in a different mode. You can never get rid of all the consequences of your bad choices, but you can make good choices: wise decisions that help you build life instead of destroying it.

Be well,
Damon